Craziest Republican Quotes of the 21st Century, The Funniest Political Quotes of All Time, Funny Arnold Schwarzenegger Quotes as Actor and Politician, Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. On June 24, 2022, the U.S. Supreme Court overturned Roe v. Wade and ended a women's constitutional right to an abortion in the country. You don't. You have no choice. Every now and then you find yourself in a different place. ", 49. Good honest hard-working people white collar, blue collar, it doesnt matter what color shirt you have on. George Carlin : And I'll guarantee you one thing: you start executing, you start nailing one white banker per week to a big wooden cross on national TV, you're gonna see that drug traffic begin to slow down pretty fucking quick. ""These days many politicians are demanding change. This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. Everything He ever makes dies. An Adobe Analytics cookie that uses a unique visitor ID time/date stamp to identify a unique vistor to the website. This cookie is installed by Google Universal Analytics to restrain request rate and thus limit the collection of data on high traffic sites. A cookie set by YouTube to measure bandwidth that determines whether the user gets the new or old player interface. I don't like cats. She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. That's against their interests. 234. This cookie is set by Segment to count the number of people who visit a certain site by tracking if they have visited before. CMPS cookie is set by CasaleMedia for anonymous user tracking based on user's website visits, for displaying targeted ads. They come from American parents and American families, American homes, American schools, American churches, American businesses and American universities, and they are elected by American citizens. 03 Mar 2023 16:21:02 "I was a loner as a child. ", 30. They will do anything for the unborn. "Conservatives say if you dont give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. Ice Cube and his political affiliations have been in the spotlight ever since White House senior advisor Katrina Pierson publicly thanked the Friday actor for his help in developing the "Platinum Plan" with Trump officials. Hatred/ bias against opposition: Have you noticed that nearly every time, Mr. Trump is questioned, or feels accused, etc, he replies by bringing up his less - than - popular former political opponent, Hillary Clinton, and repeats claims which have been refuted and disputed, numerous times, but his core followers, continue to accept? ", 8. Politicians don't care about you. Everyones at the mall, scratching his balls and buying sneakers with lights in them. George Carlin They Don't Give a Fu@k About You - YouTube F*ck Hope. Nobody seems to care. War is a whole lot of men standing out on a field waving their pricks at one another. The cookies is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Necessary". ", 100. Never join a group that has a name. It takes up a lot of your time. Daniel Kurtzman is a political journalist turned satirist. "Atheism is a non-prophet organization. And just dumb enough to passively accept all these increasingly shittier jobs with the lower pay, the longer hours, the reduced benefits, the end of overtime and vanishing pension that disappears the minute you go to collect it, and not theyre coming for your Social Security money. The uuid2 cookie is set by AppNexus and records information that helps in differentiating between devices and browsers. It doesn't matter what side you're on. And generally speaking again it's all generalized the left-of-center people are more concerned with humans and human beings and human concerns; to the care of humans, not the care and worry about property rights. They want more for themselves and less for everybody else, but Ill tell you what they dont want. "But what I want them to know is that Im thinking. I have major psychotic f**king hatreds. Laugh until you gasp for breath. No neonatal care, no daycare, no Head Start, no school lunch, no food stamps, no welfare, no nothing. ""Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. I often warn people: Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, There is no I in team. What you should tell them is, Maybe not. ", 22. - Arthur Baer. They own you. You do drugs, alcohol, you party, you get ready for high school. "Although I broke a lot of laws as a teenager, I straightened out immediately upon turning eighteen, when I realized the state had a legal right to execute me. "If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten. Lijit Advertising Platform sets this cookie temporarily, when multiple partners pass their IDs to the platform simultaneously. This cookie is used for identifying the geographical location by country of the user. The dmvk cookie is set by Dailymotion to record data of visitor behaviour on the website. George Carlin was right: Donald Trump is America - Salon Now one of his most famous routines has swept the internet a dozen years after his death. ''It's called the American Dream because you have to be asleep to believe it. ", 122. Your culture and entertainment cheat-sheet. You dont. Board Messages . From Life Is Worth Losing. Out of these, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. The late great stand-up, actor and occasional philosopher George Carlin was known to cross the lines of what polite society would call good taste, but he himself drew a few lines when it came. Hes all-powerful, all-perfect, all-knowing, and all-wise, somehow just cant handle money! George Carlin, Thats why they call it the American Dreambecause you have to be asleep to believe it. George Carlin, Religion is like a pair of shoes..Find one that fits for you, but dont make me wear your shoes. George Carlin, He and if there is a God, I am convinced he is a he because no woman could or would ever fuck things up this badly. George Carlin, I do this real moron thing, and its called thinking. ""This country was founded by a group of slave owners who wanted to be. So they killed a lot of white English people in order to continue owning their black African people, so they could wipe out the rest of the red Indian people, in order to move west and steal the rest of the land from the brown Mexican people, giving them a place to take off and drop their nuclear weapons on the yellow Japanese people. When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. I say: 'No no no,' because that really would be the kiss of death," Carlin said in his final interview before his death in 2008. George Carlin's acerbic wit and profound societal insights were a one time cultural phenomenon. ", 77. They own, and control the corporation. "When you're born into this world, you're given a ticket to the freak show. "Politicians are there to give you the idea that you have freedom of choice. It's what our system produces: Garbage in, garbage out. "I think everyone should treat one another in a Christian manner. If youre preborn, youre fine; if youre preschool, youre fucked. "The things that matter in this country have been reduced in choice, there are two political parties, there are a handful insurance companies, there are six or seven information centers, but if you want a bagel there are 23 flavors. "People always tell me 'Have a nice day.' In no way does superstitious nonsense like this apply to the lives of intelligent, civilized human beings in the 21st Century. ", 75. Famous and remained in the controversies for his dark comedy and the reflections on politics, religions, and social taboo, Carlin is . George Carlin was a comedian and social critic. "There's no present. LinkedIn sets this cookie to remember a user's language setting. ""Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? It sounds like this: What, they have bigger dicks? ", George Carlin's acerbic wit and profound societal insights were a one time cultural phenomenon. "Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music. And I would say, 'I'm not playin', Ma. "He and if there is a God, I am convinced he is a he, because no woman could or would ever f**k things up this badly. George Carlin "Forget the Politicians" and tells it like it is Even sex has to be approached from, shall we say, a different angle to accommodate pain. ""Think about how stupid the average person is, and then realize that half of 'em are stupider than that. This cookie is used as a unique identifier for the BlueConic profile. Set by Bluekai, this cookie stores anonymized data about the users' web usage in an aggregate form to build a profile for targeted advertising. Yeah, the public sucks. Being woke, leading the charge in cancel culture, fighting censorship, and supporting those who are vulnerable and don't have a voice. And if somehow, you must join, if its unavoidable, such as a union or a trade association, go ahead and join. But dont participate; it will be your death. "If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? After that, they don't want to know about you. ", 102. ""Bipartisan usually means that a larger-than-usual deception is being carried out. Advertisement cookies are used to provide visitors with relevant ads and marketing campaigns. George Carlin: Back in Town (1996) - George Carlin as Self - IMDb Like the public. ", 9. AddThis sets this cookie to ensure that the updated count is seen when one shares a page and returns to it, before the share count cache is updated. He talked about things that could be considered controversial, like politics and politicians, religion, drugs, and the demise of humanity. It will not be with jack-boots. Then you live in an old age home. ", 113. "Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it. Analytical cookies are used to understand how visitors interact with the website. "It helps to remember this.. Thats what the owners count on. July 18, 1999 - George Carlin - 2002-02-01 - VOA George Carlin may be dead, but his spirit lives on. The rights and the rights of property. Going after racists, sexists, fascists, and aiming to bring those who try to restrict freedom to justice. Casale Media sets this cookie to collect information on user behavior, for targeted advertising. 44. With his daring satirical jokes, his words will make you laugh and make you think profoundly about everything you experience. ", 63. ", 117. Theyve long since bought, and paid for the Senate, the Congress, the state houses, the city halls, they got the judges in their back pockets and they own all the big media companies, so they control just about all of the news and information you get to hear. Carlin's rueful 1996 routine about conservatives' opposition to abortion ("they will do anything for the unborn, but once you're born, you're on your own") became a newly viral phenomenon and. And nobody seems to notice, nobody seems to care. Because you have the illusion of choice. Facebook sets this cookie to show relevant advertisements to users by tracking user behaviour across the web, on sites that have Facebook pixel or Facebook social plugin. "Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. George Carlin: Complaints & Grievances (2001) - IMDb "Everyone should try to scratch their name on the bomb of life. This is the best we can do, folks. "You show me a lazy p***k who's lying in bed all day, watching TV, only occasionally getting up to p**s, and I'll show you a guy who's not causing any trouble. 1 Every year in January, WEF holds its annual meeting in Davos, Switzerland. 3 queens who slayed while imitating Rep. George Santoss drag alter ego, Kitara Rivache, Libs Of TikTok's Chaya Raichik & Nikki Haley gave CPAC speeches to mostly empty rooms, Tennessee issues trans healthcare ban & nation's first drag ban. In the standup special, which premiered just three years before Carlin's death, the comedian claims that "the real owners are the big wealthy business interests that control things and make all the important decisions." Carlin was known for his dark comedy and reflections on politics, religion, psychology, language and taboo subjects. "Conservatives want live babies so they can train them to be dead soldiers. How do school teachers handle this? He always needs money! They never mention that part to us, do they? In the clip, Carlin says the pro-life movement isnt pro-life at all. ""George Washington's brother, Lawrence, was the Uncle of Our Country. This cookie is used for DNS Prefetch and HTTP2 Push. You can't be winning a culture war if most people hate you and your culture and it is causing you to lose elections. Am I right? "Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. "Laugh often, long and loud. 42. "Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesnt mean that the circus has left town. (LogOut/ ""I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. They own all the important land. Learn how your comment data is processed. ", 33. These current events and social issues that are relevant today . Answer (1 of 12): He was a liberal. George Carlin's acerbic wit and profound societal insights were a one time cultural phenomenon. To avoid conflicts, each partner's ID is stored using separate cookies, which are merged to the ljtrtb cookie when it is available. The stand up comic was an artist who did more than articulate the public's subconscious; he embodied America's intellectual counter culture and provided sanctuary from the crisis of modernity. "Never argue with an idiot. Everybody complains about politicians. This cookie is used for embedding The Guardian video player. ", 106. ", 38. 4. "One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. The domain of this cookie is owned by Nielsen. Cloudflare sets this cookie to improve page load times and to disallow any security restrictions based on the visitor's IP address. Its a subconscious need to project the penis into other peoples affairs. They OWN YOU. Thats right. Teach them to question everything. George Carlin, People who say they dont care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they dont care what people think. George Carlin, Theres a humorous side to every situation. The fact that Americans will probably remain willfully ignorant of the big red, white, and blue dick thats being jammed up their assholes every day, because the owners of this country know the truth: Its call the Amercian Dream because you have to be asleep to believe it., RIP George Carlin. 41. ", 61. "Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit. ", 124. And they own all the big media companies, so that they control just about all of the news and information you hear. "There are women named Faith, Hope, Joy, and Prudence. This is the best we can do folks. Founded in 2010, Thought Catalog is owned and operated by The Thought & Expression Company, Inc. For over a decade, we've been at the bleeding edge of media, pioneering an infrastructure for creatives to flourish both artistically and financially. I like people who buck the system. George Carlin - It's A BIG Club & You Ain't In It! - YouTube "I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? "Some people see things that are and ask, 'Why?' The ID is used for targeted ads. Theyre not interested in that. This cookie is set by Eloqua. This information is used to pick out ads delivered by the platform and assess the ad performance and its attribute payment. A 2018 survey by the Pew Research Center reports that less than half the country says elected officials care what . ", 40. No nothing. Well, we know what they want: They want more for themselves and less for everybody else.". He saw it from a . We're all fucked," Carlin once said. Let's start with critical race theory. This narrative is based on a deliberate fiction. "Weather forecast for tonight: dark. There is actually a semi-important figure in American history who is named for a blow-job movie. Whenever some boomer try's to lecture you about how their first job in the 60s they only made $3 an hour, just remember, $3 in 1969 had the equivalent buying power as $25.01 today. Deal with it. 60+ Hilarious George Carlin Quotes and Jokes | Thought Catalog They dont wanna hear from you. Try spelling Evian backward. 2024 George Carlin for president! RIP : r/antiwork "I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They spend billions of dollars every year lobbying. "Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck. George Denis Patrick Carlin was born on May 12, 1937, was an American stand-up comedian, actor, social critic, and author. The politicians are put there to give you the idea that you have freedom of choice. This is set on the first visit of the visitor to the site and updated on subsequent visits. ", 35. The challenge is to find it. George Carlin, What if there were no hypothetical questions? George Carlin, The planet is fine. ", 55. It creates a hostile work environment. George Carlin, The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept. George Carlin, May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house. George Carlin, The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. George Carlin, Scratch any cynic, and you will find a disappointed idealist. George Carlin, I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. On Election Day, I stay home. "Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did. George Carlin Quotes (Author of Brain Droppings) - Goodreads ", 62. If youre offended by foul language dont watch this f**king video. We're so self-important. "Everybody's been mad at me, cause I haven't been on the f**king, y'know, the gravy train of these candidates, especially Joe Biden and Harris. Others see it half empty. George Carlin Quotes - BrainyQuote "My advice: just keep moving straight ahead. StackAdapt sets this cookie as a Random Identifier for user identification, to display relevant advertisements. "That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it. Bing sets this cookie to recognize unique web browsers visiting Microsoft sites. The JSESSIONID cookie is used by New Relic to store a session identifier so that New Relic can monitor session counts for an application. "Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that. What if I want to have a crappy day? . This data helps to customize website content to enhance user experience. ", 64. "The planet is fine. The cookie is set by the GDPR Cookie Consent plugin and is used to store whether or not user has consented to the use of cookies. ", 39. ", 87. ", 11. Tell them the paint is wet, and they have to touch it to be sure. Nobeody seems to care. The table has tilted, folks. This cookie is set by Prebid Server. ", 110. Some of the data that are collected include the number of visitors, their source, and the pages they visit anonymously. "I don't know if we could count on any parties to get us out this s**t, to be honest. This cookie is used to track the behavior of a user within the current session. ", 82. Teach them to question everything. The cookie stores information anonymously and assigns a randomly generated number to recognize unique visitors. Weve addedyearstolifenotlife to years. George Carlin, Heres a bumper sticker Id like to see: We are the proud parents of a child whos self-esteem is sufficient that he doesnt need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car. George Carlin, Well, if crime fighters fight crime and firefighters fight fires, what do freedom fighters fight? George Carlin, Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. Performance cookies are used to understand and analyze the key performance indexes of the website which helps in delivering a better user experience for the visitors. I'm a cowboy who . Over time, though, his success grew. Thats what the owners count on, Carlin intones. ", 67. 27 Feb 2023 13:57:17 George Carlin. George Carlin quotes are hilarious. '", 93. It also helps in fraud preventions. 01. And nobody seems to notice. And the invisible man has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do. ", 14. It even sparked a legal case with the U.S. Supreme Court! This cookie is used to manage the interaction with the online bots. ", 9. The politicians are put there to give you the idea that you have freedom of choice. They dont want a population of citizens capable of critical thinking. 2005 George Carlin bit narrates ad on 2020 American reality - Fast Company I think. Remembering George Carlin : NPR You throw out the first three commandments, wssst! No other time but to see how human nature really shines, am I right? "A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff. Soon enough you'll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family. Whatever you do dont make it go viral!