People only rain on my parade because they are jealous of my sun and tired of their shade. Once youve chosen one of our affirmations or devised your own, its time to put it into practice. 11. I am lazy till I get a motive. Its a door, thats how they work. Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the journey. 203. 246. 2. Im like a postage stamp. 233. If at first, you dont succeed, so much for skydiving. 2. 52. Its called tomorrow. Bowling Alley: Please be quiet. When nothing is going right, go left. If only common sense were more common. There's value in patting yourself (and your friends) on the back.Positive affirmations are statements that can help brighten your outlook on the world when you say them to yourself regularly or write them down in a journal.While affirmations are no substitute for professional help such as therapy when you're experiencing anxiety or depression, those who swear by the power of uplifting . You can tune a guitar, but you cant tuna fish. Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. As I become responsible, I have got more powers. Superwoman: single. Not everyone has good taste. You try again, but no sound is coming out. You may think youll never get over it, but you will, and youll be fine., 7. Even if youre a skeptic, you must admit these funny affirmations really work. What do you get when you cross a fish and an elephant? document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); Should I Send My Child to Therapy? I am transforming into someone who is outgoing and makes others laugh. 202. But sometimes affirmations may not work. No man goes before his timeunless the boss leaves early. Short people with an umbrella. To put your affirmations into practice, follow these steps. Bill Murray, 257. The following is the list of some humorous affirmations for you: I am doing all the amazing things because I am an amazing human being. I am my childs greatest comfort. Ive got three bones. Unit #2007 Mahwah, NJ 07430, 50 Funny Affirmations for Confidence, Motivation, and Self-Love, 39 Movies about Friendship and Being with Great People, Relationship OCD: Symptoms, Causes, and How to Treat, 45 Best Hobbies for Couples to Share Together, 51 Passion Project Ideas & Examples List for 2023, 21 Best Films That Explore Mental Illness, 41 Words of Encouragement for Someone in Jail, The 5 Best Vitamins for Anxiety (Our 2023 Review), 101 Toxic People Quotes to Stay Away from Negativity, 57 Strong Mom Quotes About Being a Powerful Parent, 7 Steps to Deal with Emotionally Unavailable Parents, 35 Best Songs About What Its Like to Have Anxiety. 213. ". It doesn't make sense to dwell on things you can't do anything about. I didnt give you the finger, you earned it. 1. And their purpose certainly isn't to minimize hard feelings. So put on your favorite song, take a deep breath, and say these affirmations during your next tough time for some much-needed positivity! The biggest critics of my books are the people who never read them. 140. Benjamin Franklin 120. 63. Stop texting me in the middle of texting you, now I have to change my text. Alison Boulter I woke up with some aches and pains, but I woke up. 154. Nine out of ten people love chocolate, and the 10th person is always lying. 273. 7. Theres life without Facebook and internet? Be strong, I whispered to my WiFi signal. 164. You can use affirmations to alleviate pressure in highly stressful scenarios, like taking an exam or going to a job interview. - Unknown. Because he was always spotted. 224. I am sorry not everyone will have the pleasure of knowing me. 117. Even if you dont consider yourself a funny person, you should never be afraid to express your unique humor. Im multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time. 199. 120 Funny/sarcastic affirmations ideas - Pinterest It can get you out of a tight corner and people who lack a sense of humor cannot do. Oh sheet!. 66. Funny affirmations youll find here will boost your confidence and make you laugh. Why become moody when you can shake your booty. Relationships these days start by pressing LIKE on her photo. Franklin Jones A wishbone. A backbone. 9. Because they make up everything. 170. A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand. Swimming trunks. 154 Short, Positive Affirmations that are Easy to Remember. My mistakes dont define me. 40. "Being funny doesn't take much effort.". Lord, keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth., 9. 101. There comes a time when you have to stop crossing oceans for people who wouldnt even jump puddles for you., 13. With time, I have started to value more time. 167. Positive affirmations kind of set the way how your day will flow. Waiting until the movie starts to eat your popcorn, hardest thing in the world. 7. 59. You deserve it! May life man not be perfect, but Im blessed., 13. 126. Its scary when it disappears. It has many of the same goals as affirmations, as theyre both associated with positivity and happiness. Stuart Turner, 247. Think about all the things you're struggling with in your life. There might be affiliate links on this page, which means we get a small commission of anything you buy. Mind blown! I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldnt complain. I breathe in and out. 75. 20. "If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.". 68. 23. If you woke up feeling drained and blurry, these funny affirmations will boost your energy and get you ready to slay the day! This is the beauty of funny affirmations. My windows arent dirty, my dog is painting. Let me know in the comments section down below! It is what we can make of the mess we have made of things.'. 220. I hope you have a ridiculously amazing day. Affirmations are a powerful tool to overcome self-sabotaging thoughts and boost your self-esteem. Dont forget to check out our post onlove yourself quotesandvision board quotesto attract positivity in your life. Im not arguing, Im just telling you why youre wrong. But you can always be immature. I dont go crazy, I am crazy. 267. Why is England the wettest country? Because their teacher told them it was a piece of cake. Steven Alexander Wright May your coffee be strong and your Monday productive. I radiate calmness and tranquility, with a little side of body odor. Im not lazy, Im just very relaxed. Why did the school kids eat their homework? It gets toad away. 22. 32. Socrates. If everyone knew what I was thinking, I would get punched in the face a lot. To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer. I feed my spirit. If at first, you dont succeed, so much for skydiving. Not saying I hate you, but if your face was on fire and I had a glass of water, Id drink it. Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you. Here's some short funny affirmations that will hopefully brighten up your day. I know the best time to make fun. Today Im going to reach for the stars so that I can air out my armpits., 8. First, the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. Sarcasm is a tool of highly intelligent people and if you're one of them (I bet you are), you're going to love these funny affirmations that are filled with humor and sarcasm.I'm sure you've heard a lot about affirmations, what they do and why you should start using them daily.They are a powerful to. 1. Funny affirmations for self-esteem are one way you can boost your mood in just minutes! My wallet is like an onion, opening it makes me cry. Discover short videos related to funny affirmations on TikTok. 92. Envelope. "Lord, keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth.". 65 Funny Positive Affirmations That Work For Everyone - ThediaryforLife I make a difference by showing up fully. Yes, officer, I saw the speed limit, I just didnt see your car. We may speak different languages, but we all laugh the same. 112. 205. My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do. If I am willing to go back to bed when I wake up, I will go and make up the bed. 13. Take a dose of encouragement from your positive affirmations whenever youre feeling down. 79. My past is just a bad book that deserves to be in the trash. 93. I love my computer because all my friends live inside it. Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. 261. 186. Seeing a spider in my room isnt scary. Not everyone has good taste., 3. This is because, in order to be funny, there are certain details that need to be perfectly delivered. 26. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die. Youre born free, then youre taxed to death. 2. When you feel terrified (without your safety being in danger): 5. Im in desperate need of a 6-month vacation, twice a year. Im a work in progress without a completion date., See also: 120 Ultimate Best Quotes About Progress To Fuel Your Growth. Art doesnt transform. 39 Positive Affirmations And Inspiring Quotes About Life 5. Stressed spelled backward is desserts. Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again? I dont worry about getting older. Find a short calm and peaceful moment in your day and use it for setting your mindset up for happiness. 101. If you think nothing is impossible, try slamming a revolving door. 52. "My funny vibes attract my happy tribe.". 18. Remember that the effects of affirmations are no laughing matter, so make sure your voice is heard. 109. They log in. I dont want to fix my spending habits. Live life to the fullest. Why is England the wettest country? 137. Marriage is like a walk in the park, Jurassic Park. Im multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time. They allow you to focus on the positive and what is working in your life rather than dwelling on the negative. 78. 197. 69 Funny Affirmations To Lighten Up Your Mood Laughter has always been lauded for its therapeutic effects. Say your affirmations slowly and clearly. 279. Then you stand in front of the mirror, take a deep breath in, open your mouthwait, this is funny. 218. I receive what I believe. It can get you out of a tight corner and people who lack a sense of humor cannot do. Maybe Monday doesn't like you either. It makes them so damned mad. Not me, but somebody does. 1. Wilson Mizner 34. Doing nothing is hard, you never know when youre done. 144. I am grateful for all that I have. 6. You wanna know who Im in love with? 256. The thing is, I am still getting ready. If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me. I am enough. 60 Happy Affirmations That Instantly Make You Feel Better Im not here to judge, Im just pointing out all the mistakes youre making. As an Amazon Associate we earn from qualifying purchases. One thing you need to remember though; if you are going to be funny, then make sure youre actually funny. Ive got three bones. No No NOYes. Funny Affirmation - Etsy Honolulu, its got everything. I wonder, do we lazy people go to heaven or do they send someone to pick us up? I'm amusing and people enjoy talking to me. 40. There are no stupid questions, just stupid people. My mood swings keep life interesting. Your email address will not be published. Most of the articles that Ive written about affirmations are about more serious topics: Lets keep things a little lighter in this article shall we? Be yourself; everyone else is already taken. 51. 267. 201. 116. I never apologize. Adventures in Dating: Memoirs of a Single Mom, Adventures in Dating: Memoirs of Midlife Relationships, Did you know that having a good sense of humor is very important when it comes to social interaction? 70. 50 Christian Affirmations to Quiet Anxiety & Renew Your Mind - byDeze It may feel useless but just get into it. -Gandhi. Im so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed. Bill Murray, 260. 104. We'll get to that later. - Jeffrey Gitomer. Everyone brings happiness to this office. 222. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? 94. A committee is a group that keeps the minutes and loses hours. Relationships these days start by pressing LIKE on her photo. Life is becoming easier and less serious. 36. Because someone is always sitting on the deck. No matter how bad it gets, Im always rich when I go to the dollar store. 189. Share them with your friends and colleagues and make them smile too. Say "Thank you" - A Motivational Video On The Importance Of GratitudeIntro Speech by Denzel Washington (Commencement Speech)Main speech by Fearless Soul "Tha. Be yourself; everyone else is already taken. Im sorry, but thats just the way I am. 247. Every weekend I do what I love most, absolutely nothing. I am lazier after accomplishing the motive. "Start each day with a positive thought and a grateful heart.". 75 Powerful Affirmations for Self-Love - Fun Loving Families You can write them down and use them whenever you're attending a social event or if you simply just want to make yourself laugh. 28. The library, because it has so many stories. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. I am intelligent. Its not important to win, its important to make the other guy lose. "Today will be a great day". It doesnt work if it is not open. I am grateful for the healing power of humor. 278. 173. This is the mondayest Monday that ever mondayed. 151. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. Why did the can crusher quit his job? "Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. Plus, youre never gonna become funny and charismatic by being afraid to speak your mind. I love the moment when the coffee kicks in and I realize what an adorable badass I am going to be today. 93. With great power comes an even greater electricity bill. 74. 280 Short Funny Quotes and Sayings - Luvze All rights reserved. Stay focused and consistent, and youll start noticing the healing powers of humor and fun. You kill vegetarian vampires with a steak to the heart. Since not all of us are blessed with the ability to throw a joke the right way, we thought of helping you out by giving you these ridiculously short funny quotes. No beauty shines brighter than that of a good heart., 4. Thats what youre called when you dont have a job. Check out our funny affirmation selection for the very best in unique or custom, handmade pieces from our encouragement cards shops. 54. 96. 169. The world needs people like me to keep things interesting! I wasnt mad, but now that you asked me 7 times if Im mad.. yes, Im mad! I tried looking at the bright side of life, but it hurt my eyes. Some people are like clouds. 154. Life is like a very long TV show, without a remote control. 183. For the best seat in the house, youll have to move the dog. The chains on my mood swing just snapped. - Donald Trump. You know you are lazy when you get excited about canceling your plans. But you can always be immature. Helen Giangregorio No, but April may. 185. So, here's our compilation of funny work quotes that are perfect for every workplace: Image Source: Unsplash. 158. Still, you need to embrace each of these surprises with same positive conviction and appreciation. You can write them down and use them whenever youre attending a social event or if you simply just want to make yourself laugh. I will not let my mind be a bully to my body. I lost some weight once, but I found it again in the fridge. 45 Self-Compassion Affirmations to Practice when Feeling Low. 30 Short Daily Affirmations for Living Your Best Life - Healing Brave We have divided these daily funny affirmations in these sections; Also check out our post ondaily affirmations for womenandaffirmations for menthat can help you to feel motivated and reshape your limiting beliefs. Rather, the goal is to help kids recognize the truth, in situations and in themselves. 166. My diet for today: 1% food, 99% Halloween candy. It has nothing new to tell you. There are endless opportunities. My dream job would be the Karma delivery service. However, just saying these statements out loud wont cut it. 181. You can simply try out one of our funny options, or think of affirmations that best match your sense of humor. I love it when the coffee kicks in and I realize what an adorable badass I am going to be today. If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldnt have a job if he was any smarter. John Gotti, 6. Pampered cows produce spoiled milk. Ensure that your actions match your words. Look, youre smiling! It is already tomorrow in Australia.". I put my phone in airplane mode, but its not flying. Run. 121. 29. Because their teacher told them it was a piece of cake. 6. Expect nothing and appreciate everything. I tell you what always catches my eye. Sam Levenson Dont make me laugh, Im trying to be mad at you. 58. 114. When I was in high school I had two favorite subjects, lunch and recess. The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one. Oscar Wilde, 5. In between, I am alive. 'Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.'. 22. Be Funny Positive Affirmations So with that being said, heres a list of funny affirmations. Home: Where I can look ugly and not care. Sometimes I am so freaking awesome, I blow my own mind. Short Funny Affirmations. 127. Description for this block. Today, I choose to put on my positive pants. My body belongs to me and I can set boundaries around it. 150. 81. If you think women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blanket back to your side. Doing nothing is hard, you never know when youre done. If you were able to believe in Santa Claus for 8 -9 years, you can believe in yourself for at least 5 minutes. My chins are a stairway to heaven. Not only can laughter improve our problem-solving skills, but it can also help battle various diseases. Just like every Monday does on Earth. Today I was a hero. If nothing is impossible is it possible for something to be impossible? 66. 272. 61. 184. Its okay, he woke up. 67. Im not lazy, Im on power saving mode.